What is that mysterious nyan nyan nyan?
by SebbyCiel5927
Summary: Sorry for the crappy title. A crack!fic! And a one-shot. Anyways: Nyan cat comes to visit at the Phantomhive mansion and leaves a wreck there! What will Ciel, who is allergic to cats, do? And what awaits for Sebastian? Fail summary.


**A/N: This is a crack!fic! I wrote at 1AM while listening to the nyan cat in loops!I had tons of fun, but that means it will probably be all messed up even though I did some editing. So yeah, sorry. DISCLAIMER: Kuroshitsuji- me not own. WARNINGS: mild boyxboy, some strong language and lots and lots of OOC! Enjoy! **

"Nyan nyan nyan nyan…" the sound repeated and repeated itself in Ciel's head. The poor boy thought he was going crazy. The sound won't leave his head since the early morning.

"Sebastian!" he called out impatiently from his study. Not only that he had a splitting headache, but also his faithful butler seemed to disappear somewhere when he wasn't with Ciel. And when Ciel **did **call for him, it took Sebastian a few more minutes to come than usually.

Five minutes passed. "Sebastian!" Ciel yelled out once again from his place in the throne-like chair. "Where's that damn demon? It usually takes him only one minute to come." He thought irritated at his butler.

"You called bocchan?" Sebastian barged in without his usual knocking, which made Ciel jump in his chair. "Sebastian! What the hell happened to your manners? What the hell is going over you anyways?! And why are you covered in…GLITTER?!"

-"Please forgive me master, I had to…attend to some matters." Sebastian apologized, trying to discard the glitter from his uniform.

Ciel crossed his hands on his chest. "Oh yeah, and what kind of "matters" exactly you were attending?"

-"Nothing really. You shouldn't be bothered by such things, bocchan." Sebastian replied uncomfortably.

Ciel jumped up from his chair, slamming his hands onto the desk "NOTHING REALLY?!" he roared. "NOTHING REALLY?! SEBASTIAN, DON'T FUCK WITH ME! WHEN-"

-"I never did, though I'd really like to."

Ciel's face became crimson almost instantly. "SEBASTIAN!" He shrieked in complete rage, almost screeching. "HOW DARE YOU TO INTERRUPT YOUR MASTER?! ESPECIALLY WITH SUCH A VULGAR COMEBACK!" Ciel suddenly understood that he was raising his voice in a completely unbecoming way for an earl, and he calmed himself instantly. "So as I was saying before you RUDELY INTERRUPTED ME, what kind of matters could distract you in such a way you didn't come when the kitchen blew up? What kind of matters you had that you didn't come when Mei-Rin fell down the stairs and broke the ultra-expensive tea cups I ordered from Austria? What matters distracted you so much you didn't come even WHEN I WAS ALMOST GOT KIDNAPPED BY A GIANT PINK UNICORN?"

Sebastian sighed, cursing his master's weird dreams. "Bocchan, the unicorn wasn't real. You dreamed it all."

-"Yes it was real! The hideous beast threatened me with a million clones of Elizabeth! Each one with a different frilly outfit she wanted to shove on me! They came through my window on a flying scone! It was certainly real!" the boy huffed in annoyance to state his opinion.

"Bocchan, if you will keep yelling like this you will become hoarse." The tired butler tried to calm his bocchan at least in some way.

-"NO I WON'T! LALALALALALALALALALALALALA!" Ciel started to yell on purpose, much like the child he was, forgetting his status for a while. Sebastian on his side resisted the great urge to bring his hands to shut his poor ears.

-"Bocchan…" he tried to interrupt, but something barged through the door the clumsy butler forgot to close. The…**thing** was a blur of pink, rainbow and glitter. The thing also made non-stopping sounds that sounded suspiciously like "nyan nyan nyan".

Ciel was sure that he just had a heart attack. Suddenly his eyes became itchy and teary, and he started to sneeze like crazy. In between choking and sneezing he managed to cough out, pointing on the thing "This! This sound! It was bothering me the whole day! And my reaction…SEBASTIAN! YOU ARE SO **DEAD**! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BRINGING CATS INTO MY MANSION?!" And then the earl lost himself in a huge fit of sneezing.

Sebastian was torn between the adorable cat which ran so fast around him that it seemed like his legs were enveloped by a round rainbow, and between his choking, but very cute master. Finally he made a choice since he understood that if he'll start playing with the cat now, he will be left without dinner. Sebastian shooed the cat out of the study and brought the inhaler quickly. Ciel tore the inhaler from Sebastian's hands like it was his only way to make sure he'll be alive. Which was quite accurate. When the boy recovered from his allergy attack he glared dangerously at his butler in a way that made the butler to shift his weight from one leg to another uncomfortably while fidgeting with his gloves. True, he was one hell of a butler, but when your master glares at you in such a way you want to hide in a corner even though you're a demon it's just too much. "You'll get your punishment later after we will dispose from that nauseous "matter" you were attending." The earl hissed at his butler.

He stood off his chair and made his way to the door. "Gather all the servants, this is an order." he threw at his butler as he exited the study.

***~*~*~nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyany anyan~*~*~* **

The servants stood in font of Ciel as tense as soldiers in front of their officer. Even Tanaka left his usual cup of tea and stood with the others dressed in a pink pop tart costume, similar to the strange cat's body. Sebastian sat in a dark corner across the room. His face was turned to the wall and a little sad grey cloud was raining over his perfect hair. For some reason a strong smell of mushrooms rose from that corner.

Ciel was marching back and forth across the room. Suddenly he stopped and gave a looooong stare at his servants. "Do you know why I gathered you here today?" he asked the only half-alive from fear servants in a very ceremonial tone. The servants just shook their heads franticly.

"Sebastian brought a cat to my mansion. A cat! And this after all of my orders to NEVER get cats close to me. But today he brought not just any cat. This is a true monster: It makes a non-stopping super annoying sounds and it sparkles with glitter and rainbows!"

-"Err… master," Bard interrupted. "Why are you holding a lit flashlight and point it up to your face?"

Ciel coughed into his hand and hid the flashlight behind his back.

"Master" this time it was Mei-Rin who interrupted. "Are you sure you weren't dreaming it all?" she asked fidgeting with her apron while thinking quickly what one should do if his master had hallucinations.

Ciel was just about to open his mouth for lecturing a whole tirade when the blasted cat burst through the door, disappearing almost instantly through another due to its high speed. "See what I'm talking about?" Ciel asked triumphantly. He suddenly noticed that Sebastian turned around, his eyes sparkling with loving obsession. "No." Ciel ordered turning threateningly towards Sebastian who seemed to jump back and stare at the wall like a kicked puppy.

Ciel turned back to the servants "So, what I want you to do is to catch that damn thing and dispose of it as soon as you can." The servants looked at each other and suddenly threw themselves at Ciel's legs holding on them like some kind of piranhas. "Oi! What is it with you?!" Ciel shouted angrily at his annoying servants while trying to shake them off. "We're so happy!" all of them yelled. "W-we were s-sure you was going t-to k-k-kick us o-out!" Mei-Rin stuttered and the rest of he servants nodded enthusiastically. "Ugh…whatever just catch that cat!" Ciel repeated himself, really irritated with his idiotic servants. Finny raised his hand. "What is it, Finny?" Ciel asked bringing his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose because of the great migraine he had thanks to the cat. "Will Mister Sebastian help us?" Finny asked.

-"No he won't. Sebastian is punished." Ciel answered, happy it wasn't a stupid question, like how much carrots should dance ballet in your dreams so you will be considered as mentally insane.

"HA! TAKE THAT!" Bard suddenly yelled at Sebastian pointing his finger at him. He fell to his knees, bringing his hands to sky. "FINALLY THE DAY I SAW YOU MESS UP CAME!" the pyromaniac chef yelled to the sky. Sebastian didn't answer, basically because his punishment was teaching mushrooms preparing milkshakes without talking to anyone. And yes, he was actually succeeding in it. After all, what kind of a Phantomhive butler he would be if he can't complete such a task? The mushrooms already understood that they should take chocolate, milk and sugar, and in the meantime Sebastian tried to make them understand that no, you don't take all of that and create a ridiculously dangerous and psychotic weapon of massive destruction, you just mix them all nicely and serve it with whipped cream and a straw. So as you see, the butler was too preoccupied to answer the cook, but if mental frying by a flamethrower could kill, Bard would already look like one of his failed meals.

"Ahem." The earl interrupted the chef's happy moment. "Is everything I said understood?" he asked.

-"Yes sir!" the servants chanted together like good soldiers. They immediately ran off to gather tools that will help them I catching the strange cat like nets, fishing poles, catnip and cookies, just in case the cat likes them.

Before Ciel had the chance to go back to his study he felt something sting his ass. "Ouch!" he yelped turning around sharply. Here sat Sebastian, glaring at him with his scariest expression. The little cloud looked angry as well, and the little lightning it shot was the stinging the boy felt earlier. But instead of starting his usual yelling Ciel just smirked evilly and waved his hand in a dismissing manner. "Keep working!" the earl dropped at his butler.

Finally Ciel returned to his study. He didn't even have the time to touch the first document when a series of sounds and screams were heard: Boom! Crash! "Don't let him get way!" Zbang! Boing! "AHH! IT'S COVERING ME WITH GLITTER!" Ba-thump! Bang! "Why this thing is farting rainbows?!" Zoing! Bam! "AHCK! IT TOUCHED ME! AM I GOING TO DIE NOW?" Kapow! "NOW YOU WON'T YOU IDIOT!", and all of this covered by the eternal sound of "nyan nyan nyan". The boy groaned in frustration and for the first time in his life he asked himself why he wasn't born deaf.

And as soon as it started, it all suddenly ended. Ciel even was alarmed for a second if his pleas came true and he actually stopped hearing. The boy shot up from his chair and ran towards the servants who gathered in front of one of the opened widely windows, their jaws almost hitting the floor, and their eyes wide with awe.

"What the-" Ciel started to ask, but the fading ever-lasting "nyan nyan nyan" made him look up. The weird cat was making spirals of rainbow higher and higher until it disappeared high into the clouds.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" A horrible scream pieced the air. Everybody turned towards Sebastian who fell down on his knees, his eyes full with tears, reaching up with his hands as if he was trying to catch the flying cat. Sebastian fell flat on his face, uncontrolled sobs passing his lips. He was the living image of lost hope, doom, and depression.

"Sebastian, pull yourself together at once." Ciel ordered, not paying too much attention towards his mentally broken butler.

-"Yes, my lord." Sebastian stood up, his face resembling an almost literal expression of "TT-TT". "But first," he said "I want to sing a eulogy for this wonderful cat". He cleared his throat and raised his look to the sky dramatically, bringing his hands to his chest. He already took some air so he could sing, but his master stopped him.

-"No." Ciel just let the words fall from his lips. Sebastian had to shut up and Mei-Rin's face fell a little. Just as Ciel turned away and wanted to walk back to his study Sebastian latched himself to his master's legs enveloping them with his hands and giving his best expression of "I'm-a-cute-poor-being-who-was-treated-cruelly-by- my-evil-master". "Why, young master? Why did you have to take away my joy and happiness?! WHYYYYY?!" he yelled burying his face in his master's knees and pretending to cry, since demons do not cry.

Ciel just rolled his eyes, annoyed at his butler "Stop being so overdramatic. This is an order. Bring me a milkshake. This is an order as well. And don't try anything funny." The boy turned his back to the butler and went back to his study as Sebastian, who lied on the floor, drawled out as if he was in agony "Yes, my looord."

Ciel, on the other side just shook his head and finally took hold of the dreaded document he was supposed to be finished with already three hours ago. A knock sounded on the door and Sebastian entered, holding a chocolate milkshake in his hand. "Here is the milkshake you requested, my lord." He put the milkshake down in front of Ciel. Ciel took a little sip and asked "Did the mushrooms made this milkshake?"

-"Why, yes."

-"So that's why it has a hint of mushroom scent… Announce them my congratulations, this is delicious. Good job, Sebastian."

Suddenly the boy began choking on his drink. When he stopped coughing, he felt something on his head. And from Sebastian's surprised, yet delighted look he immediately understood what that thing was.

"SEBASTIAN! DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TRY ANYTHING FUNNY?! WHY DO I HAVE CAT EARS?!"

-"My lord, I am surprised myself. I think this is how the mushrooms decided to thank me for my lessons." The demon gave a smug smirk and proceeded to come closer to the boy, who started backing off.

"Sebastian, no, nooo, don't get closer to me…NO! DON'T TOUCH ME HERE! Purr… WHY AM I PURRING?! SEBASTIAN, STOP IMMEADIAT-purr… AHCK! DON'T! SEBASTIAN!" the boy's screams rang through the mansion, followed by Sebastian's chuckle "Now, now, if you took one cat away from me, I'll have to find a new one. And this time you are very fitting into the category of cat, aren't you, my lord?"

END

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